I’ve been on this mission to figure out the formula to shortening the grief process and I’ve found that the more of it you allow yourself to feel, the quicker you get through it. It’s like a stone, a weight that shrinks the more you feel it until it finally dissolves. The memories don’t go away but the pain lessens.
The answer is quite simply to go through it. Failing to do so only prolongs the pain. And it taints the joy you may hope to experience later when it turns to bitterness and resentment.
Whether loss of love, disappointment, death, or some other tragedy, not allowing yourself to grieve properly will inhibit the fullness of your future joy.
I believe proper grieving purifies your joy.
I’ve celebrated a lot of big wins in the last few months and the joy of them was pure because of the thorough grief process I allowed to take place prior to.
I became a Baltimore City homeowner just 2 weeks after having an armed assailant carjack my roommate on the porch of where we were living prior to my move.
I celebrated this milestone without the partner who I had built the last 2 years of my life around next to me.
But I celebrated, with tons of joy. Because I grieved. I didn’t just get back up. I grieved until it was fully processed and I had gotten from it what I needed to.
And I’ll grieve some more if I need to. Tonight’s one of those nights that I need to. So tonight, to the tunes of John Legend’s Evolver album, I grieve. So that, in the morning, as I prepare to welcome guests for my first ever housewarming, I will have the purest of joy.